I remember a time where I felt like there was a battle raging inside of me, and it was this sense of my head saying one thing and my heart wanting to do something else. In my outer world this turmoil often manifested as a lot of self doubt, being unsettled by uncertainty and an unconscious need to control and have others agree with me. I noticed the fear I felt to leave a job working in the City of London that I really didn’t like and which was making me feel mentally unwell My heart deeply yearned for something else but my mind was like we need to make money and survive. These interactions often left me feeling depressed, exhausted, doubting myself and what I might be capable of and full of fear.. can you resonate?
As I began to develop my yoga practice at home, I noticed a small yet subtle change take place, a feeling of spaciousness to breathe, move and explore, an inner wisdom communicating with me and giving me courage and insights. A sense of freedom I could feel in my body despite all the background static between my head and heart. Slowly I began to drop in a little further, to practice a bit more and listen to this guidance. In return this guidance rewarded me with courage to keep listening and sourcing myself from what felt then like a new self emerging. I began to notice a shift taking place, it felt like there was a something different starting to happen.. a place where my heart seemed to be communing with a higher power and directly downloading this information into my awareness began to open up and flower.
It was remarkable and yet deeply uncomfortable too. I did not fit in with this corporate lifestyle I was leading. The values I championed were not aligned with the values of the companies I worked with. I realised it was in this very discomfort (of change and transition) that something rather unexpected began to manifest within my physical body and my field of awareness both internally and externally. The food I was eating changed. The company I was keeping changed. The way I spent my time changed. I continued to listen, I continued with my daily practice and to take one step forward then another which included the huge step to say Yes and train as Yoga Teacher in the Summer of 2012 (despite my mind fearing how we would make a sustainable income doing this). This was a massive decision for me given the last 10 years I spent working as Communications Specialist for companies like Bloomberg and Thomson Reuters.
I was aware of what was at stake and somehow felt compelled now to follow the path my heart was deeply yearning for. As I changed, everything around me began to change. I learned to let go of of the meaning making frames I had around I’m not enough and in doing so began setting myself FREE! Wow! I’m now so very excited to be exploring some of these themes at my first Yoga Retreat Day with the amazing Yoga and Mindfulness Teacher Sion Jones. More about the Retreat Day is here Into the Heart Yoga Retreat Day Sunday 15th March @Stonewater Zen, Liverpool.
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Sending love and tenderness for all that is arising.